Things You Don't Want To Hear From Your Neighbor

A couple of weeks ago, I posted this status update on School House Rehab’s Facebook page:

“Our new neighbors stopped by to introduce themselves and surprisingly… THEY ARE NORMAL! Also in their favor, they came bearing peanut butter cookies. I sound surprised about “normal” neighbors because boy, have we had quite the track record in previous years. Maybe that’s a blog post in the making…”

Well, here we are. In Robert Frost’s Mending Wall, he writes, “Good Fences Make Good Neighbors.” We don’t have a fence. Maybe that’s our problem.

The owner of the house next door lives in NYC full-time, while renting out his “country” house most of the time. He comes up for a couple of months here and there in between tenants, but for the most part, we don’t see much of him. The tenants, however, have left quite an impression over the years. The following statements are real quotes we’ve heard uttered from various neighbors in the past 3.92 years.

7 Things You Don’t Want To Hear From Your Neighbor:

  • “Hey guys, if you find car keys in your backyard, can you let me know? My girlfriend was high as hell and I threw them as far as I could so she couldn’t drive.”
  • “There are definitely ghosts in the house. I feel them watching me when I get out of the shower.”
  • “I found a deer (Editor’s Note: This would be roadkill…) on the side of the road and threw it in the back of the car. I’m grilling it out back if you want to enjoy a bite! It’s delicious!”
  • “Sorry if you guys heard any noise earlier… we got in a bit of an argument and we started throwing plates at each other. A bunch of them shattered against the wall.”
  • “I thought you should know… I saw a 60 pound coyote near the backyard last night.”
  • “I don’t work. I was hit by an 18-wheeler when I was younger and I live off of the settlement.”
  • “I’m being harmed by a witch that practices black magic and I don’t know where to turn.” Surely, there are plenty more that I can’t think of right now, but these are some of the best. The things some of these neighbors have done have been equally as mind boggling as what they’ve said, so I might do another list with all that crazy, too.

Have you had any crazy neighbors in your day? Dish.

#Lists #Neighbors